After the book’s publication, I promoted Dying of Embarrassment and received much satisfaction from knowing I was helping people learn more about this neglected and misunderstood problem. I continued to feel, however, as if I was doing others with social anxiety a disservice by not sharing my own experiences.

Over the past several years, I’ve learned of two psychologists, both anxiety disorder specialists, who’ve acknowledged their own problems with anxiety.  Therapist Edmund Bourne, author of the hugely successful The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, wrote in his next book, Healing Fear, of his own recovery from a chronic anxiety disorder. And psychologist Thomas Richards, who heads an anxiety disorder clinic in Phoenix, Ariz., used his popular web site, The Anxiety Network, to write about his own difficulties.

Reading about these therapists’ experiences was a revelation to me. I felt such relief — relief that I wasn’t the only psychologist/anxiety disorder expert with my own anxiety problems. I also felt courage — maybe I didn’t need to keep my experiences to myself any longer.

Some cynics may claim that Bourne and Richards were just trying to make a buck by talking about their own problems. In this age of Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones, letting it all hang out is what people want, right? Maybe these authors thought their personal stories would add a dramatic angle and sell more books and tapes. I’ve never spoken to them, so I really have no idea as to their motivation. My guess is, though, that it took guts to reveal themselves in the way that they did, and that they did so in the service of others.

Personally, reading about Bourne’s ups and downs with his own recovery normalized my seemingly meandering path toward serenity and freedom from anxiety. We learn from others’ stories. We learn from telling our own stories. We learn we are not alone. We learn we are not so different from many other people. Most importantly, we learn there is hope.

It is in this spirit of offering motivation that I include some of my personal experiences with shyness and social anxiety throughout the book —both the triumphs (appearing on Good Morning America without completely falling apart ahead of time) and the challenges (experiencing anxiety at the mere thought of certain social situations, and then feeling frustrated with myself that I can still get so anxious).

My husband, Greg, has given me tremendous support in my journey toward healing and is an incredibly good part of “my story.”  As an example, several years ago when we wrote a book for couples called, Illuminating the Heart: Steps Toward a More Spiritual Marriage, the publisher wanted to send us on a national book tour. Greg was thrilled, as he had come to enjoy public speaking and being in the spotlight. I, on the other hand, was filled with dread. We had just been through a lot of stress.  Greg’s father had recently died after a long battle with cancer, and our son continued to have some health problems. The strain of it all exacerbated my social anxiety. I had lost much of my confidence.  I didn’t feel as if I could do all of those public appearances.  I certainly didn’t feel like a “put-together” author/expert. In addition to all of my anxiety, I was lethargic and depressed. I felt no motivation to publicize the book we had worked so hard to write.

I wish I could report that I conquered my anxiety and managed to go on to complete the book tour, but it didn’t happen that way. Greg encouraged me in all the right ways, but I just couldn’t go through with it. Thankfully, the publisher was extremely understanding, and so was Greg. I knew he was disappointed, though, and I felt horrible about myself — like I was a complete failure. Greg wouldn’t let me wallow in guilt for long, though. He reassured me that it was OK and he still loved me. He believed in me and my abilities and had faith that I would — we would — move beyond this low point. “We’re a team,” he said.

I couldn’t agree more. We are a great team. We worked well together on Illuminating the Heart, with me doing most of the writing and he doing lots of advising and editing. Now I’m excited about working on Painfully Shy with him. An extremely gifted therapist, Greg has worked for more than a decade with people who have anxiety disorders. He has such a knack for making people feel accepted as they are while still pushing them, bit by bit, beyond their comfort zone. Many of the people he has worked with have overcome long-standing fears and anxieties, going on to live full and productive lives. 

Hopefully my experiences with anxiety will help you to feel less alone. Still, I don’t want to leave you with a negative impression about the possibilities for recovery from your social anxiety. We all have setbacks and tough times. That’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Since the book tour “fiasco,” I’ve been able to move beyond feeling that I was a failure and instead see that it was a learning and growing experience. (Why don’t we ever grow from the fun times?)

Now, more than ever, there is considerable hope for people like you and me. You can overcome the often excruciating pain of living a life that revolves around social anxiety, of always worrying about what other people are thinking of you. It’s not easy, and it won’t happen as quickly as you’d like. With courage and hope, however, it can be done.

Excerpt from Painfully Shy.